Thoughts on Tradition (from a non-traditional couple)

When I would dream of my wedding as a little girl, I could see everything perfectly clear - my dress, the outdoor ceremony, my bouquet, my beautiful bridesmaids, the delicate decorations - everything except the person I was marrying. At 10 years old that makes perfect sense, why should I be able to perfectly envision who I would marry 13 years later? However, now happily married to my wife, I'm left wondering if part of the reason why I couldn't seem to get even a body shape to come in clear during my wedding dreams is because I was trying so hard to picture a man.

Side bit of information - I didn't know I was, hmm let's say not straight, until my mid/late-teens, and I didn't know I would marry a woman until I met my wife. So all I'm getting at really, is that maybe my subconscious was more open to the idea of a non-traditional marriage than my 10 year-old conscious was.

When it was time to start planning my real life wedding, I began to experience a lot of (what felt like at least) déjà vu; I couldn't for the life of me seem to get a clear image of what my big day would look like. This time though, unlike at 10 years old, I had my partner; Maeghan's bright, beautiful smiling face was always in my imagination. What was different now, was that I couldn't seem to picture small things, like me walking down the aisle, the bouquet toss, cutting the cake, father daughter dances, and all other really big iconic wedding moments. I'd flip through wedding magazines given to me as engagement gifts and end up tossing them aside feeling very discouraged. No, my groom couldn't do this or wear that...I DON'T HAVE A GROOM. So I'd open up my laptop and Google "lesbian wedding" hoping to find some clarity. None. No clarity. What I would find, were endless pages dedicated to "how to plan a non-traditional wedding". Now, I did refer to my marriage as non-traditional, but why does that have to mean that my wedding should be non-traditional too? I was beginning to feel ostracized by both wedding communities...

Maeghan and I knew we wanted to get married outside from the get go. A few weeks (okay fine days) after we were engaged, we started to browse popular venues online. Not only did the venues not feel right, but it didn't seem to make sense for us to get married in Ottawa when it had only been our home for two years. When Maeghan came up with the genius idea to have the entire wedding on her parent's property, everything began to fall into place. From the moment we secured our [relatively] non-traditional venue, Maeghan and I decided to capitalize on all of the flexibility that comes with not having a "booked venue", and to distance ourselves from all expectations; we decided to put away the heteronormative magazines and stop reading the non-traditional wedding blogs, and just make our day our day. 

So let's get down to it, what are my thoughts on tradition? Why did we have such a traditional wedding when we as a couple are quite non-traditional? And when we are expected to help break down [somewhat] archaic traditions rather than reinforce them? To answer that question in the simplest way possible, Maeghan and I had the wedding we wanted regardless of what's traditional and what's not.

If you're married you know this already, and if you're not...sorry to break it to you, but weddings come with a ton of expectations. Some of those expectations are cultural, some are just preferences of those around you (i.e: parents), but most are deeply rooted in longstanding tradition. Now it's up to you, the couple the day is all about, to decide what you wish to do with all of those expectations.

While trying to piece together what we wanted our day to look like, Maeghan and I turned back to those heteronormative wedding magazines to get an idea of what a typical traditional wedding looks like from start to finish. From there, we scratched out bits that didn't make sense to us (like the garter toss...I have so many questions about that tradition), we kept what did make sense, and we altered things we were on the fence about so that they did make sense to us. While doing this, we didn't think much about where the tradition stems from or what society thinks it means, we thought more of what it meant to us.  

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Some examples of traditions we kept or altered:

I chose to wear a long white dress because when will I ever do that again? And Maeghan and I chose  for my "reveal" to remain a surprise until the day since there are few great surprises left in life. 

We both chose to be escorted down the aisle by both of our parents. This had nothing to do with our fathers (or our mothers for that matter) "giving us away", but rather them showing their support. 

I wanted to throw my bouquet but thought everyone should participate, so I had a gender-free bouquet toss. 

We both had father daughter dances simply because we couldn't imagine not. It's not creepy and it's not symbolic of your father's last dance with his little girl. It's a chance to share in a "time stands still" moment with one of the most important people in your life.
(If that person isn't your father, why not have a special dance with whoever it is?)

We chose who we wanted in our wedding parties, regardless of their gender. And we allowed them to pick their attire because who are we to tell them what they look best in. 

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Looking back on our wedding day, I suppose it may have fallen closer to the traditional side. But not without careful consideration. So I guess in short, my thoughts on wedding traditions are to take them at face value and make what you will of them; build the day - from start to finish - that you want, that fits your style, and that you want to remember for the rest of your life. If that means you wear a white dress, great. If it means you wear a black one, awesome. As long as you end the day with a smile on your face and a heart full of love, you've done it right. 

When Life Gives You (lots of) Rotten Lemons

It's been way too long! Life (mostly wedding planning, oh and moving across the country too, I guess) got the best of me, but now I'm back. So to recap, WE GOT HITCHED! Almost two months ago on August 15th at 4:00pm (just kidding, a bit later since I was late to the ceremony), Maeghan and I said our "I Do's" and partied our butts off with our closest friends and family. Like everyone says, it really was the absolute best day of my life. What more could a person want than to be surrounded by the people who love them most in the entire world, enjoying good food, too many drinks, and seeing nothing but smiling faces, hearing constant laughter, and feeling such an immense amount of love?? 

Here's some photo evidence: 

When Maeghan asked me to marry her back in May of 2014, she told me that if she were going to spend the rest of her life being unlucky, she would rather spend it being unlucky with me. I think I was both laughing and crying when I heard those words, but nonetheless, I was definitely nodding since I agreed that we've always seemed to have awful luck. After that day, it was like a switch flipped and for the next year or so Maeghan and I's bad luck seemed to disappear. It isn't as if we started to have some unnatural kind of good luck where we won the lottery, or constant uncannily-good things happened to us, it's just that the constant string of bad things ended and life in general seemed to become easier.

Then, as if we had licked the last of the good luck off of each other's lips when we sealed our marriage with a kiss, our bad luck picked right up again. It all began with having no hotel room for our wedding night as it had been given away, and carried on throughout our trip across the country including awful occurrences such as a flat tire, having our car broken into, and nearly not making it through the mountains due to engine troubles. When we finally arrived in Victoria - so worn out physically, emotionally and financially - we thought we would start to catch a break. But sure enough, the bad luck continued continues on with silly things like all of our mail going missing, or fighting through hiccups with the insurance company that cause hefty fees, and finding out our professional wedding photos are...disappointing to say the least.

Now I'm going to be honest with you, this outlook that I'm about to share with you did not come easily to me. For the first few days in Victoria, I spent more time crying than not, and I was constantly asking myself (and poor Maeghan) "why me" and "what did we do to deserve this". Then a few days ago, with lots of support from my fantastic wife, I made the decision to begin to think more positively, despite the constant negative or unlucky things that continue to occur. I decided that rather than sit around waiting for life to at least give me fresh lemons so I can make some frigging lemonade, I'll take my truck load of rotten lemons and compost them to make mulch for my garden and grow my own lemons.

Okay, so obviously I don't actually have rotten lemons, and I definitely do not know anything about turning them into compost and growing my own lemons, but what I do know is how to get back into the driver's seat of my own life. I can't help that for whatever reason "bad things" may continue to happen in my life, but I can cope better. I can work on reminding myself that those "bad things" in my life are relative, and probably measly compared to many other people's "bad things". I can resist the urge to ask "why me" while getting sucked into compiling a mental list of all of the negatives, but rather work towards finding a solution to my problem and take a moment to reflect on all of the positives in my life. And lastly, I can create my own good luck.

It would be nice if I could create luck like choosing the winning lottery ticket this week, or ensuring no one I love ever gets cancer, but that's not how life works. What I will do, is choose to acknowledge the small things; the little lucky things that go unnoticed each day, and make them outweigh the seemingly large pile of unlucky things.

This past week's list includes:

- my new iPhone not smashing when it went bouncing down the cement side walk

- my favourite tea being on sale right when I wanted to buy it

- a great volunteer organization having availability to take me on as a volunteer immediately
- our new dryer not shrinking any of my clothing
- having our cat escape and not run away
- Mcdonald's not having any ice cream, causing us to find a delicious local ice creamery and being able to try nanimo bar flavour for the first time

See, let's imagine for a moment that my iPhone had smashed, or my dryer did shrink my clothing, I would have been devastated and wondering "why me". However, not smashing my phone or having my clothes shrink doesn't just mean I've evaded bad luck, it means I was lucky! Who's to say that we can't rejoice because our favourite tea was on sale when we wanted it, or because our indoor cat was only hiding in the bushes a few feet from the door? These are instances of good luck, and I'm not going to let them go unnoticed anymore!

So along with doing more things that make me happy, like becoming a mentor or joining a new gym, I'm going to be that girl signing Queen's "We Are The Champions" at the back of the store because I found the last medium in the sweater I've had my eye on...but my question is, will you be singing too, or will you be drowning in your pile of rotten lemons?

DIY Wedding Prep - Removing Labels from Bottles

You know, I don't think many DIY brides have any idea how much work their totally-DIY wedding is actually going to be until they are up to their necks in it. This was most certainly the case for me; it was all fun and games pinning adorable photos to my Pinterest board, but the fun began to fade a little when it came time to execute many of these tedious DIY projects.

A lot of our wedding decor involves wine bottles (good thing we love wine!), but leaving the labels on the bottles just wasn't an option for us. While staring at a giant box filled with over 40 wine bottles with labels on, I began to wonder how I would get them off without damaging the bottles, or my hands.

I came across this recipe and how-to-guide that I altered a little and hoooly did it ever work well! For that reason, I am passing along this how-to-guide to all of you!

What you will need:
White vinegar
Baking soda
Dish soap
Lots of warm water
An old butter knife
Rubber gloves
A scouring pad or brush

How-To:
1. Depending on how many bottles you have, fill your sink or tub (I used my tub) with warm water.
2. While the water is running, place all of your bottles into the warm water, submerging them so they fill with water and stay under the surface.
3. While the water is still running, add 2 tablespoons of dish soap to the tub (1 tablespoon if you're using your sink).
4. When your sink or tub is full, turn off the water and add 2 cups of vinegar and 1/2 cup of baking soda (half these measurements if you're using your sink).
5. Let the bottles soak in the mixture for at least 2 hours, longer if you can.
6. Remove the labels. Some will just fall off, others will need a little help from a knife or scratch pad/brush, but for the most part this should be an easy task.

Let me know how it goes, or if you have any other DIY hacks to share! 

Say "Maybe" to the Dress?

You can bet the second my left hand had a shiny rock on it I was calling up bridal shops and making appointments to try on wedding dresses; why waste any time right? Before even setting foot in a shop, I had a Pinterest board totally dedicated to wedding dresses. Majority of the dresses on my board were little lace numbers with revealing backs, no straps, and a figure-flattering shape. So, naturally, when I arrived at the bridal salon on day one of wedding dress shopping I pulled out my iPhone, hopped on my Pinterest board and showed the attendant all of my hopes and dreams. She was great; she hurried off and found 4 or 5 dresses very similar to the ones in my photos. However, what happened when I put the first one on I could have never predicted.

With my MOH, and the 16 year-old attendant (okay fine she was like 18) waiting outside the fitting room, I struggled to climb into a $2,000 dress made of nearly 50 pounds of thick lace. Once the dress was on, I stood alone in front of the 360 mirrors before opening the door and let my eyes fill with tears. I looked hideous. Was this what I looked like in a wedding dress? Maybe I'm not supposed to get married if this is what I look like in a wedding dress? The awful thoughts kept growing and bouncing around in my head until I opened the door, stepped out of the fitting room, and heard my MOH burst out laughing. It was the dress, the dress was hideous and I was not. What a horrible first wedding dress experience, but I'm so glad it happened since it really helped me with the rest of my shop.

The second dress I put on had a trumpet shape to it with a sweetheart neckline and a chapel length train. The dress was stunning and I looked great in it. It became a "maybe"...however, so did the 2nd, 3rd, 5th, 13th...you get the point. Some of these maybe's fell closer to yes's and some closer to no's, but still, there were a lot of maybe's after 4 trips to dress shops and over 50 dresses were tried on, and none felt quite right.

Disappointed and confused, I took the the internet, and reached out to some of the previous brides I knew to find an answer to the daunting question, "how will I know when I've found the one"? The consensus was exactly what I didn't want to hear; responses along the lines of "you will just know, something inside of you will tell you, and you will just know". How aggravating for someone who has tried on so many dresses of so many different styles and known nothing except that 50 pounds of lace is too much and makes me cry.

(my wedding dress is in that pile somewhere!)

With this new information in mind, I continued to shop. With my MOH, with my mom and mom-in-law-to-be, with some of my other bridesmaids, heck at this point I would have taken input from my mailman. Then, in a bridal shop I'd never heard of until a few days before my appointment in a town I'd never really visited before, it happened. 

I tried on a few dresses with huge puffy skirts and glitter all over them to make my guests laugh, and some other dresses became maybe's (including one named Emma!). Then, my longest and dearest friend asked me to try on a dress so different than any of the 50 I'd previously tried. Reluctantly, I climbed into the dress. Holy moly! What a comfortable dress; so light, so moveable, no itching from the material, and it fit me like a glove right off the rack. Without even looking in the mirror I walked slowly out of the fitting room. That same friend, my childhood best friend who knows me better than anyone, smiled from ear to ear and started to tear up. I turned around to face the mirror and my heart nearly jumped out of chest. With my hair in a messy bun, bare feet, and in the middle of a bridal salon, I felt more beautiful than I have ever felt. This dress, the one I didn't want to try on, this was my dress. 

After a FaceTime with my momma, who made sure that I scrunched the material to see if it will wrinkle when I sit down (such a practical lady), I had made up my mind. As I would recommend to everyone, I slept on it. Which meant I travelled back to Ottawa and went to work the next day. Over 24 hours later I couldn't stop thinking about the dress. So, I did what us thrifters do best; I called around to bridal shops in the Ottawa area to find out who had the dress and who had it for the best price. Two weeks after the initial try-on, my dress was ordered from a shop here in Ottawa, and for $200 less than the first shop! 

So I guess the moral of the story here is to be open; of course try on your dream dress that you've had on your Pinterest board for years, or that's been folded up in your wallet since you cut it out of a magazine when you were a kid, but also try on that dress at the back of the rack that's so far from what you imagined you'd wear on your big day. When there are thousands of different dresses, you never know which one is going to look stunning on you!

Happy shopping, or happy dreaming!

The best "yes" I'll ever say

(of course this glamour shot is from our engagement session and not the rainy evening it happened)

When it comes to Maeghan and I, I am hands down the mushy, over-emotional, sappy, romantic one. However, Maeghan went over-the-top romantic the night she proposed to me. 

On a surprisingly cold and windy Friday evening early in May, Maeghan told me she'd be late coming home since she was having after work drinks with a friend. That was fine since I'd made plans to hangout with a friend after work as well. My friend Bryan arrived at Maeghan and I's apartment and was in the strangest mood but I didn't think anything of it. He was insistent that we go for a walk even though it was freezing cold and raining. Somehow, after 15 minutes of arguing, he convinced me to go. 

When we started walking Bryan turned to me and asked, "where's your car?". Slightly confused I responded, "obviously in the parking garage". He began begging me to go upstairs and get the keys so that we could drive to where he wanted to go for a walk. At this point I'm so annoyed but for whatever reason I oblige without assuming anything is out of the ordinary. After getting a little lost, and with the wind picking up, we pulled up to a hiking/biking trail near the Ottawa River. We parked the car and started to walk. Bryan was so incredibly preoccupied and hardly listening to me but still, I was more annoyed than confused and had no idea what was about to happen next. 

As we continued, I noticed we were headed towards one of my favourite spots; the trail we were on crossed this beautiful abandoned train bridge that spanned the Ottawa River from Ontario to Quebec. A bit happier with the walking trail he had picked, I turned to Bryan and asked if we could walk down the bridge; he stood silently, smiling ear to ear. When I turned back around, I noticed a person surrounded by candles standing a few meters down the bridge. My heart dropped, and my eyes filled with tears as I began to recognize the red shirt the beautiful girl on the bridge was wearing. The girl, that girl, was my girl and she was waiting in the freezing cold for me.

I began walking slowly towards Maeghan (slowly so I could work on catching my breath and wiping the tears from my face). As I reached her, she held out her hand, pulled me in, and hugged me. She told me some of the most heartfelt and wonderful things while I cried and laughed, and all of a sudden she was down on one knee 50ft over the Ottawa River asking me "will you marry me?" I nodded and knelt down to her level to give her a kiss and tell her what will forever be the best "YES!" I will ever say.

(a real photo from the night it happened!)

Just when I thought it couldn't get any sweeter, Maeghan hustled me back down the trail to our car as there was a table waiting for us at our favourite restaurant (that doesn't hold tables by the way - thanks Gemma!)

After a few more tears were shed during telephone calls with our parents and siblings, we made our way to the restaurant. Maeghan explained that Katherine, my best friend, sends her apologies that she won't be able to make it out. Then, that little romantic did it again; as I strolled into the restaurant, eyes down staring at my shiny new rock, I heard a familiar voice squeal. It was Katherine, and she was waiting at our table with a bottle of champagne ready to celebrate the happiest night of our lives with us!

Remembering that night makes my heart beat out of my chest, and I'm pretty darn sure it always will. 

Bridesmaids or Bride's Maids

When I asked my wedding party to be a part of my special day I wanted to make sure that each of them felt just that, special and hand-chosen. I spent hours (ask Maeghan) scouring the internet for inspiration and assistance in this task. Finally, I came across the cutest cards from marrygrams on Esty.

These cards were both the perfect inspiration and addition to my bridesmaid ask. On the outside they read "something old, new, borrowed, blue...and most importantly I'll need you!" and on the inside "will you be my bridesmaid?". However, you can have the shop insert whatever title you'd like inside! For $13 for 4, these cards are a steal and really made my maids smile!

This project also called for a trip to Michaels (what project doesn't, really?). There I found this adorable card stock with various types of vintage-y designs on it. I used the card stock to write personalized letters for each of my wedding party attendants; embarrassing stories, sappy memories, and funny inside jokes quickly filled the card stock! Upon receipt of their snail mail, each of my maids called to tell me how happy, honoured, and excited they were. However, I'm not sure how many of them realized that along with being exciting, being a bridesmaid can sometimes be a tough job!

Maeghan and I's wedding will be totally DIY wedding and we need all hands on deck to make the day perfect. That's why I sometimes refer to my Bridesmaids as Bride's Maids...since they're kind of like my slaves some days. I drag them to tons of dress shops and confuse them immensely when I change my mind about a few thousand times. I overwhelm them with my excessive pinning and bug them to pin more! I demand that they hoard all of their tin cans and wine bottles (most of them inside their tiny apartments). I make them listen to me while I ramble on about menus, seating, table runners, thank-you gifts, and so many other tiny details that I shouldn't even be worrying about yet. On top of all of that, I force them into slavery and have them decorate endless mason jars with steaming hot glue. And we still have 276 days to go... (but who's counting?!)

But even when I'm boring them to death, or forcing them to waste days off or trips to visit me touring around or DIYing, they do it all with a smile on their face. Seems like I've chosen the best Bridesmaids, no?

DIY Center Pieces: Part 1

I think I got my love of thrifting and DIYing from my parents. My father is the world's thriftiest man, I promise you, and my mother is Wonder Woman when it comes to DIY projects. So together they make the perfect team!

Thanks to them, Maeghan and I inherited a MASSIVE box (it took both of us to load it into our car and then into our apartment...) of vintage mason jars that we're incorporating into our center pieces for the wedding. I'm sure most of you have got the vibe already, but Maeghan and I are so excited about our vintage-rustic theme, so these mason jars are the perfect treasure. Along with the jars, my mom sent us home with a bin full of lace, beading, and twine that she inherited when my grandmother passed away many many years ago. Luckily, a few months earlier Maeghan and I stumbled upon and purchased a huge sack of burlap at a garage sale for five bucks!

With all these crafting supplies filling the far corner of our apartment, I convinced my wonderful maid of honour to spend the entire day with me re-purposing the jars. She even came prepared with OJ and champagne so we could sip on mimosas while we worked! We laid out the supplies, plugged in our hot glue guns (which in hindsight we should have placed on some scrap cardboard...sorry Maeghan!) and we were set to decorate!

After a few hours, a few mimosas, and when we'd run dry on creativity we had re-purposed over half of the jars we will need for the center pieces! Of course we had to place tea lights in all of them and light them for a true visual...

Hopefully even after all of the finger burns from hot glue I can convince my MOH to help me finish...